To Make You Feel My Love

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Last night I drank 3 cups of iced Lipton tea before bed and could not fall asleep all night. Zoey and Idrissa went to sleep at around midnight/1am. After tossing and turning alone in my plight against sleep, feeling too hot then too cold, unable to clear my head of thoughts, and occasionally checking the clock to see that more time has gone by without any sleep than I would like, hearing Zoey’s first little morning squeaks and stretches telling me that she wanted to get up for a diaper change was music to my ears. Finally! Someone can keep the insomniac company for a while.

I got up and got her bottle started in a cup of hot water, set it on the nightstand and took her for a diaper change. She stretched and squeaked and peeked at me with half-closed eyelids during the change. I whispered, “I see your snorkel button” to her, which I always say at diaper changes. Her belly button looks a little bit like a snorkel from that popular 80’s TV cartoon “The Snorks”. Not as much anymore, but it did stick out quite a bit when her umbilical cord fell off, giving it a snorkel-like appearance. Yesterday, she smiled at me when I said, “I see your snorkel button!” in my sing-song voice to her.

Night time is a little different. We don’t play or sing or talk in sing-song voices because night time is for sleeping. So I whisper to her. Sometimes about her snorkel button.

I sat on the bed with her in my lap on a pillow with my blanket wrapped around us both in the dark. We stay as quiet as possible at night so as not to wake her father, who goes to work in the mornings. I put one earbud from my ipod into my ear and set the other one on the pillow next to Zoey’s ear. We listen to Alecia Dixon’s “To Love Again” and Lady Antebellum’s “Ready to Love Again”. (We were listening via YouTube search, and it was on the results page.) I was planning on doing a search for Zee Avi’s “Honey Bee” when Zoey finished her night time bottle. We sometimes breastfeed and then finish with a bottle of expressed breastmilk or formula to make sure she is full, but we sometimes just go straight for the bottle.

So, this morning after only 3 ounces of milk and 2 pop ballads, I leaned back and pulled her to my chest to burp her. She fell asleep curled into a little ball with her legs drawn up to her belly and feet crossed underneath while I played Adele’s “To Make You Feel My Love”. It was then that I realized that someday I might miss these middle of the night feedings. The frequent spitting up on my bare chest in the middle of the night? Probably not so much. But the sweet sleeping baby smelling of Johnson’s shampoo curled up in a ball just under my chin…yes, I think so.

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